It’s a really strange, horrible time to be alive in right now and most of us haven’t even gotten to wrapping our heads around it. There’s a global pandemic, death is all around us, the political state of affairs in this country is a terrifying joke and there is just SO MUCH HATE on social media. It gets exhausting, but at least it’s allowing us all to be at our creative best. Be it cooking, baking, singing, playing guitar, writing novels and scripts, people are doing it all right now.
And, before you know it, there will be an array of Bollywood movies dedicated to this pandemic. Get ready for coronavirus-themed deaths and sangeets, affairs and first kisses over masks. We’ve made a list of all the covid-19 related Bollywood plotlines that we think future films will cover. Like these ones:
Krrish will have a mask makeover
Superhero Krrish can’t go on with his sexy mask that leaves his entire nose and mouth uncovered! No, that’s where the virus enters from and infects the entire body. Even superheroes aren’t immune to the coronavirus, you know. So, get ready for an all-black super sleek and sexy Krrish mask that will probably still be the best part of the films.
Pati, Patni Aur Mask
Source: Nagpur Police
Gone are the days when it was love triangles; from now on it’ll be pati, patni, aur mask. Or pati, pati aur mask/patni, patni aur mask. Because it is 2020 and gay love is love is love is love is–I’m getting off track. The point is, forget those days when movies like Silsila, Gangster, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Manmarziyan, Pati Patni Aur Woh came out. From now on it’ll be the heroine, hero and mask ki love triangle. Who will win? Is wearing a mask more important than making out with the hero? Is protecting oneself from contracting coronavirus more important than saving the damsel in distress? Yeah, probably.
Nora Fatehi’s item songs all dolled up in…PPE kits
Inspired by Dr Richa Negi’s amazing Garmi dance in a full-on PPE kit, Nora’s new dance numbers will most likely have her performing her sexy moves in a full on PPE kit, covered from head to toe. Isn’t that the dream?
Dhoom 4 will have criminals robbing coronavirus injections
Do you see it too? Abhishek Bachchan and Uday Chopra on the hunt for the latest sophisticated, international criminal and druglord who smuggles coronavirus injections to help poor people, or something. Ugh, I can hear the updated Dhoom theme song already.
Kangana Ranaut Will Probably Play the Saviour of Coronavirus
In a movie directed, written, created by Kangana, starring Kangana, music, costumes, and lyrics by Kangana, Kangana Ranaut will most likely play the superhero and saviour who rescues the whole world from coronavirus. Because that’s honestly how she sees herself; as an actor-turned-self-proclaimed saviour whose job has suddenly become to put down others in order to alleviate herself. I joke, I joke. All said and done, this is actually quite possible.
While Salman Khan will play yet another braveheart who saves kids from covid
We get it, Salman, you care about people, Being Human and all that. You’ve never hurt anybody. Which is why you totally don’t have to overcompensate by doing movies that glorify you as some sort of saviour of women and children and ‘weaker men’ who cannot fight dhishoom-dhishoom scenes like you can. So we wait for the inevitable character you will play: another police officer/ sarkari naukar/ sporty wrestler/ regular aam aadmi who loves children and is everybody’s lord and saviour protector.
Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s love triangles will have an added element
Known for their magnanimous tragic love stories and grandeur, Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s movies will definitely have a lot of content to make them even more heart-breaking and tragic. A viral pandemic makes for fantastic plotlines: sick lovers, grieving lovers, estranged, separated lovers, unwell pregnant lovers, love triangles in which the viral infection is transmitted…and these are just off the top of my head! Your welcome, SLB.
Akshay Kumar will definitely play the man who first invented the vaccine
Since his entire career currently relies on “socially conscious” biopics, Akshay Kumar will 100% bring to life the role of the first Indian scientist who invents the anti-coronavirus vaccination. I’m willing to bet on it. Some things never change.
And Anurag Kashyap’s next film will be a gritty reality of the Indian underbelly infected with Covid
Isn’t that inevitable? Get ready for Gangs of Wasseypur: Pandemic Edition, or Raman Raghav 3.0 where a serial killer murders all covid patients, or some absurdist film, that barely anybody understands, about the dark, underbelly or poverty-stricken folks struggling with the strangeness of the covid pandemic. Actually, these are rather important narratives that need to be heard, so Anurag, we are waiting!
Finally, Ayushmann Khurrana will star in a romcom on the youth’s experience of covid
I don’t know about you, but I love Ayushmann Khurrana’s socially-conscious films that explore how young people navigate love and life in middle-class, relatable India. So if the next one is going to be about a quirky love story riddled with covid and acoustic guitar strumming music, I am HERE for it. We need some Ayushmann positivity right now.